1999

Internet Chat With Richard E. Grant

Cult actor Richard E. Grant is back in print by popular demand. Following the success of his film diaries, he’s published his first novel By Design, taking an inside look at Hollywood, serving up more of the frothy gossip star-packed observations that made his diaries With Nails a bestseller.

Richard E. Grant live on Beeb

Keith: “What made you decide to write a novel?”

Richard E. Grant: “Bestselling sales of With Nails led to a publishing offer – cash/carrot to the donkey!”

Pat S asks: “How much is fact and how much is fiction, truly, in By Design?”

Richard E. Grant: “All fact, transmuted into fiction – it all happened, or is about to.”

Hannah: “Have you ever thought of moving to Hollywood and living there permanently?”

Richard E. Grant: “One-and-a-half years in 1992, since then for sanity’s sake I’ve stayed in England.”

Lizzie Lee asks: “How did you find writing a novel, was it very different from doing your diaries and were you nervous about it?”

Richard E. Grant: “It’s very isolated and lonely writing a novel – no actors or company to sound-board with.”

Keith: “Is there any chance of By Design being made into a movie?”

Richard E. Grant: “God, I hope so!”

beeb: “What part would you play?”

Richard E. Grant: “Vyvian, the interior designer lead.”

Sarah Hodge asks: “Don’t take offense, but there are a few similarities between yourself and Hugh Grant, in looks that is!! Are there any family ties or is it purely co-incidental?”

Richard E. Grant: “I’m highly flattered – there’s no blood connection whatsoever, he also has more hair and less years on his milometre.”

Sharon Hodgson asks: “Have you ever known anyone to try the scam to pass the drunk drivers’ test from Withnail And I in real life? I would also like to say that comparisons between you and Hugh Grant are unfair because you are by far the sexiest of the two!”

Richard E. Grant: “A blank cheque is on its way! Regarding your question about the drunk drivers’ test, I have no knowledge.”

tripod: “Your Hamlet speech at the end of Withnail and I had me in tears. Did you ever get to play Hamlet on stage?”

Richard E. Grant: “Thank you, but never got offered, now too old sadly.”

Daniel: “Have you browsed through any sites dedicated to Withnail and I on the internet??”

Richard E. Grant: “Gagging to. I’m an internet virgin, please inform.”

David L asks: “Did you ever think Withnail and I would become such a cult hit?”

Richard E. Grant: “Never.”

David L asks: “Is it true you are allergic to alcohol?”

Richard E. Grant: “Absolutely true.”

George: “Shatter our illusions… what’s your worst habit?”

Richard E. Grant: “Impatience.”

Sarah H asks: “What does the “E” stand for?”

Richard E. Grant: “A now deceased actor with the same name agreed to insertion of the letter “E” to distinguish my name from his.”

Sergeant B asks: “Do you still see yourself as a (young) man from Swaziland very lucky to be involved in the “glamourous” movie-making business?”

Richard E. Grant: “Absolutely, especially like the “young” bit.”

Bouncers: “I read somewhere that Sandra Bernhard is not speaking to you after what you wrote about her in your book – is this true ?”

Richard E. Grant: “I spoke to her last week about the birth of her baby, so go figure?”

Bilko: “Now that you’ve met and chatted to your childhood hero, Barbra Streisand is there anyone else that you hold in such high esteem whom you would like to meet?”

Richard E. Grant: “No.”

Jason: “Which actress would you most like to star alongside?”

Richard E. Grant: “Meryl Streep.”

Pete: “Which movie did you most enjoy making and who were your favourite co-stars?”

Richard E. Grant: “Not a nostalgist, but like a virgin my first flick with Paul McGann and Bruce Robinson has been a good talisman.”

Pippa: “Do you see yourself as a star now, do you feel you’ve made it? What else do you still want to achieve?”

Richard E. Grant: “Film actor is how I see myself, intend to write and direct but not act in my own movie before I’m 50.”

Dan: “Did you always want to be famous and would you say that has been your driving force?”

Richard E. Grant: “Partly. Mainly driven by the ignoble revenge on all the people who said: “You’ll never make it.””

Catherine: “What’s the funniest line you’ve ever delivered? My favourite is “Ever noticed how much steam comes off peas?” from How To Get Ahead In Advertising!”

Richard E. Grant: “The funniest line… Withnail: “As a youth I used to weep in butcher shops.””

bex: “More and more Hollywood stars are taking to the West End stage, Nicole Kidman had her opening night at the Donmar last night, are we going to see you on stage soon?”

Richard E. Grant: “I hope not. Nerves of spaghetti, I fear.”

Josie: “How would you describe yourself?”

Richard E. Grant: “A long, stretched-out piece of toffee.”

johnh: “With an online interview and an appearance at the University of East Anglia both in one day you must be very busy. What do you like to do when you have some free time?”

Richard E. Grant: “I’m going by helicopter to East Anglia this afternoon. In my free time I like scuba diving and sex!”

Mike: “Would you ever consider taking the role of James Bond, 007 – I can just see you sipping those fake martinis!”

Richard E. Grant: “Deja vu! You read my mind. From your mouth to the producer’s ears. Cheers!”

Boris: “How has your past career compared to other British film folk like Jez Irons, any embarrassing appearances on kids’ telly?”

Richard E. Grant: “You decide about careers, no kids’ telly…yet!”

Matt R asks: “What can we expect from your role as the Scarlet Pimpernel?”

Richard E. Grant: “Speed, snogging, swords and tight costumes with heaving la-la’s.”

Mel: “Which role have you always wanted to play?”

Richard E. Grant: “Send in your suggestions please.”

Daniel Garrett asks: “Like Paul McGann would you like to take a stab at the part of Dr Who?? I think you’d be ideal.”

Richard E. Grant: “No TV in Swaziland, so have never seen it.”

Dobber: “Richard – do you sniff your socks when you take them off?”

Richard E. Grant: “Don’t wear any.”

lola: “What’s your favourite household appliance?”

Richard E. Grant: “Television.”

Franklin: “Are you scared of losing your hair? It’s on its way out I’m afraid to say!”

Richard E. Grant: “Yes. Apoplectic, but don’t worry, I’m never going for a syrup. Thanks for the humiliating reminder.”

Boris: “No doubt you have traveled the world by now. Do any other countries have mushy peas?”

Richard E. Grant: “No. Are you retarded?”

Dan: “Do you like being thought of as slightly eccentric?”

Richard E. Grant: “What does that mean? Be specific.”

Beckers: “Have you ever been to Glasgow?”

Richard E. Grant: “Two nights’ ago, at the GFT, just completed The Match in Glasgow – film with Max Beasley, Pierce Brosnan, Tom Sizemore and Ian Holm.”

TMG: “Any plans for another Spiceworld movie – the first was great. Did you enjoy filming it?”

Richard E. Grant: “Thanks, I wish, you bet!”

Danny Williams asks: “What was it like working with the Spice Girls on Spiceworld?”

Richard E. Grant: “They’re gaggingly gorgeous.”

ABBA: “Do you enjoy being idolised?”

Richard E. Grant: “Who wouldn’t?”

hjkhjkh: “What’s the best and worst thing a fan has done to you?”

Richard E. Grant: “Worst – stalker suicide letters from a lady in Chicago; Best – signing an autograph on somebody’s bum.”

fonzie: “Richard, if you could be anyone in the world, who would you be?”

Richard E. Grant: “You, Fonzie, with a megaload of dosh.”

Daniel Garrett asks: “When is With Nails II – The Diaries 92-98 coming out?”

Richard E. Grant: “Watch this space.”

Franklin: “I read somewhere that Tom Waits is a big fan of your work. Do you like him?”

Richard E. Grant: “Worship the old growler.”

Jemima: “Did you get to go to Scary Spice’s wedding? If so, give us some gossip…”

Richard E. Grant: “No showbiz people invited, just the families. Too bad for me. But wish them all the best.”

Jonathan: “Who was/is your favourite Spice Girl?”

Richard E. Grant: “Don’t want a platform boot up my bum, so pass.”

Daniel Garrett asks: “Have you spoken to Madonna recently?”

Richard E. Grant: “Saw her last year, so not recent, but working on it.”

Andrew the Barman asks: “Any plans to appear on T.F.I. Friday?”

Richard E. Grant: “Yes please, can you sort it with Ginger?”

Mark: “Who do you think is the sexiest woman on television – I quite fancy Samantha Janus!”

Richard E. Grant: “You and the whole world… But what about that Welsh newsreader with the bun on the back of her head, and those conjuring hand movements of course?”

fadi: “Is it true that your nickname at college was Pumpkin Head?”

Richard E. Grant: “Many things but not that curiously, but well-tried, dogbreath!”

Jenny: “Does being famous please you or annoy you?”

Richard E. Grant: “A combination, got laughed at by a bunch of kids in Legoland – couldn’t work out why. Thanks.”

Danny Williams asks: “With the exception of film acting, what is/are you main ambition(s) in life?”

Richard E. Grant: “To live until I’m at least 120.”

Geordie: “Are you really Richard E. Grant”

Richard E. Grant: “I’d better be else I’ll stab the F*** who’s impersonating me.”

Lee: “Every thought of doing stand-up comedy, or hosting award ceremonies? You’re quite a witty guy…”

Richard E. Grant: “Thank you oh kind and perceptive net genius.”

Jan Bishop asks: “Will the next autobiographical installment be as bitchy – if not more so – than With Nails?”

Richard E. Grant: “Would you like that?”

Simon: “If I asked you to put your hand on your head, would you do it?”

Richard E. Grant: “I’m doing it now!”

justine: “Who’s your favourite Scooby Doo character?”

Richard E. Grant: “No idea what you mean. I’m 41.”

Floss: “Have you ever won anything useful, or at least desirable, in a lucky dip? All I ever got was sawdust.”

Richard E. Grant: “Ah, yes. A CD player.”

jrs: “Hi Richard – do you feel that you sold out a little by doing the breathe ads?”

Richard E. Grant: “You obviously think so. My bank manager doesn’t.”

SB2: “You don’t drink and you don’t smoke – what vices do you have?”

Richard E. Grant: “Shopping, traveling and speaking on the phone to people on the other side of the planet.”

Jemima: “Does writing a novel require more discipline than being an actor or are they both rather cushy jobs?”

Richard E. Grant: “Writing a novel is very disciplined – 9am until 7pm, five days a week alone in a room in your head.”

Franklin: “If you could play any film part, what would it be? Maybe the part of ‘Richard E Grant’ in a film about your life!!!!”

Richard E. Grant: “Yes please.”

Anna: “What do you make of this online chat stuff? Ever think it’ll replace Michael Parkinson?”

Richard E. Grant: “I hope interaction can be televisual in future, so I can see you as well.”

Jan Bishop asks: “Back to the bitchiness in the next installment.. loved your exposes of Sandra Bernhard, Bruce & Demi & Madonna… we want more grit, more dirt on your workmates!”

Richard E. Grant: “Read By Design and guess.”

David Bradbury asks: “Are you still as starstruck by celebrities as you seemed to be by Barbra Streisand in your book?”

Richard E. Grant: “Yes, but ambivalent as I’ve had my head “backstage” too long to remain innocent.”

Danny Williams asks: “Do you have any advice for those of us (such as myself) just about to start college?”

Richard E. Grant: “Get off the internet and LIVE hard and fast – it’s shorter than you think.”

Turpin: “Actors often complain that they’re always asked the same questions in interview… Is that true on this occasion?”

Richard E. Grant: “Not at all. Let’s always do it like this.”

ABBA: “What do you think of the internet?”

Richard E. Grant: “Revolutionary.”

DePreach: “Richard, who was the most attractive babe you ever kissed, dude?”

Richard E. Grant: “Kate Hardie in Jack and Sarah – scene cut – but Pirelli tyre lips. Supreme.”

Franklin: “Where do you see yourself in ten years’ time? Doing the weather on S4C?”

Richard E. Grant: “Oh thanks a bunch, still working under real weather.”

alex: “Were the yellow lines in the street scenes of Keep the Aspidistra Flying painted over to keep in line with period authenticity?”

Richard E. Grant: “Covered with sawdust and gravel.”

Jan Bishop asks: “Any future plans to work with Coppola or Scorcese?”

Richard E. Grant: “In my dreams.”

Rebecca: “If you could only tell your children about one achievement, what would it be?”

Richard E. Grant: “To love unconditionally ’til my last breath.”

fonzie: “Richard – who was your first kiss with and at what age?”

Richard E. Grant: “Jill Smith when I was six in Swaziland – we were sent out of the class.”

Floss: “Do you have any body parts insured? If so, what are they worth?”

Richard E. Grant: “Any suggestions?”

Toni: “I would just like to tell you that you’re A STAR. Have a nice day. I need to go off to lunch.”

Richard E. Grant: “Me too, thank you.”

Danny Williams asks: “I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say thanks for this. Any chance of you doing it again sometime?”

Richard E. Grant: “Name the day.”

beeb: “Unfortunately that’s all we have time for today. Here’s Richard with a final word …”

Richard E. Grant: “Plug time… Birmingham, Waterstones, Thursday, 7pm; Dublin, Saturday, 7pm – read and Q&A in person. Come! Cheers!”