The Guardian Weekend Magazine – 27th April, 2002

By H.F.

Celine Dion walks into a bar. The barman says, “Why the long face?” Ah, the beauty page: aka, the old joke’s home.

Maybe it’s unfair to take long faces to task, as they’re a result of genetics, not misguided make-up application. But when did fairness enter the world of Mirror Mirror?

And we’re not as cruel as Tim Burton, who made Sarah Jessica Parker wail in Ed Wood, “Do I really look like a horse?”

A long face needn’t be a cosmetic hurdle – Richard E’s contributes as much to his Brideshead-y image as his Oxonian flounce does. Cheekbones are accentuated and necks can look decidedly swan-like, as the very un-equestrian SJP demonstrates with her pretty bob. Celine, however, accentuates the length of her face with her chunky straight streaks.

Read and learn, Dion.